My final project consists of four poems, based on my own personal experiences. These poems were written under the framework of the Christianity, primarily discussing the God of the Baptist denomination that I was raised under. There is also a reference to the Catholic experience, as shared by my friends and our shared experiences regarding sex and religion.
The inspiration for this project stems from songs that utilize religious undertones, often subverting the name of God as a metaphor for a sexual partner (specifically one of a casual nature). For example, Juno Levi’s “I had gay sex with god (it could’ve gone better)” includes lines such as “I spent all of last night in god’s bed…Second coming in a bathroom stall, but now God won’t return my calls.” Ryan Beatty’s song “God in Jeans” includes lyrics of this same nature, “God is real, he was sleeping in my bed last night, we were naked with the radio on.” The songs included within the Spotify playlist (linked below) provide specific reference to more examples of the type of content that sparked my interest in the idea of using God as a metaphor for a sexual partner. On another level, I also noted that many of these songs also use a reference to God (as a metaphor or to the literal figure) to explore the personal vices of women in particular and an examination of their own relationship with religion. But why use God’s name at all? In the article “Not Pretty Girls?: Sexuality, Spirituality, and Gender Construction in Women’s Rock Music,” Kate McCarthy notes that there is an “interesting array of women’s music that brings ancient religious concepts into conversation with contemporary feminism about the meaning of embodied life.” McCarthy notes that it is Christianity in particular spurning the conversation in music regarding the female body, sex, and spirituality.
Over the course of the project, I found myself struggling to reconcile my own thoughts on sex and religion with the complexity of both of these practices under the thumb of the patriarchy. As a result, each poem follows the evolution of my sexuality from the myth of virginity to the lingering feelings of shame associated with the complicated nature of sex, religion, and the patriarchy.
Forgive me God
Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they will see God
Quiet then violent
These verses echo
Forgive me God for I have sinned
Stained the bed sheets crimson
Virginal purity lost
32 seconds
A condom wrapper on the floor
Bare skin on bare skin
An unholy lust
I’m impure
Religion mocks me- affirms that I’m a whore
But if You laid down next to me,
Would You say the same?
Condemn me to an eternal fire
Banish me from heaven’s gates
Hold up your golden picket sign:
“Run from sexual sin!”
“Flee fornication or burn in Hell!”
Make your judgments
Compel me to repent, repent, repent!
Forgive me God for I have sinned
Oh God-
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God
That’s what You wanted to hear, isn’t it?
Me calling Your name
Kneel before you
Down on both knees in a silent prayer
Oh yes God,
Leave bruises on my neck
Taste the open sea between your lips
Bring me to salvation
My soul thirsts for you
My flesh faints for you
Oh yes God,
Underneath you I’m perfect
I’m your other half
Made for you and only you in every way
But if I enjoy it too much
I’m your Eve, your temptress
Mother of the femme fatale
Fall from Eden
I took your forbidden bite
So cast me out of your bed, your paradise
But only after this
Only after you have your fun
Only after you hear me call your name
I Met God At the Bar
I saw God across the bar
The light of His Glory in a single look
Nursing a whiskey sour with a divine indifference
Lord Almighty in a pair of slacks
Come closer He said
I want to know you He said
His fingertips smooth on my skin
His gentle whispers in my ear
Whiskey breath lingers
His hands graze my thighs
Come closer He said
I want to know you He said
A few more sips of the blood of Christ
Communion to calm the nerves
Come closer He said
I want to know you He said
And God takes me to his bed
Lays me down
Caught up in a ecstasy of His revelation
Nightly Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
May God guard me through the night
And wake me with the morning light
But may I ask You why I must feel shame?
The hurtful guilt claimed to be in Your name?
Your Baptist Church denies sexual liberations
Its patriarchal force to condemn any other deviations
So I turn away from Your sacred doors
Search to find myself outside of restrictive moors
New independence and sexual exploration beacon me
On a college campus, I can choose to be free
But instead Dear God, it’s the very patriarchy that subverted You
It’s the unyielding shame, choking its lies down my throat too
Give it time or give it up, you’re a prude or you’re a slut
It’s the guilt inside that leaves the deepest cut
If I desire to have casual sex, is that wrong?
Hooking up with a stranger, it’s just another man stringing you along
But it was my decision
Can become met with that feminist derision
Or maybe it wasn’t my choice at all
Just a system designed to make women feel small
I was drunk that one night, so I’m the one to blame
Well the girl’s a whore, what a shame!
So can I not just enjoy sex?
When being a woman has made it so complex
Dear God, I ask of You
To help me believe that it isn’t true
To make all of the awful feelings inside
And all the nights that I cried
Go away as easy as they came
For it hurts to live everyday in shame
And I truly hope it isn’t You to blame
Amen
Spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4dnvV6ebycAXeg7VTtmj0C?si=DfLlpdo5RY-KYYe3TdEMgA
Bible Verses:
“Blessed are the pure in heart, For they will see God” (Matthew 5:8)
“Run from sexual sin” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
“Flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
“My soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you” (Psalm 63)
References:
Beste, Jennifer. “Jesus at a college party”, Christian Century, February 13, 2019.
Bogle, Kathleen A. Hooking up Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus / Kathleen A. Bogle.
New York: New York University Press, 2008.
Freitas, Donna. Sex and the Soul : Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on America’s College Campuses / Donna Freitas.
Updated edition. New York, New York: Oxford University Press, 2015.
Higgins, Jean M. “The Myth of Eve: The Temptress.” Journal of the American Academy of Religion 44, no. 4 (1976): 639–47.
http://www.jstor.org/stable/1463485.
Kornhaber, Spencer. “A New Generation of Pop Stars Are Dancing with The Devil.” The Atlantic, September 16, 2022,
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2022/09/rina-sawayama-new-album-hold-the-girl-review/671442/
McCarthy, Kate. “Not Pretty Girls? Sexuality, Spirituality, and Gender Construction in Women’s Rock Music,” The Journal of Popular Culture
39, no. 1 (2006): 69-94.
Demi, I absolutely love your project. This is such a niche yet deeply rich and interesting project. I love the way music, poetry, and religion are all tied together in your research. As a creative writing major, I was so excited to see the poetry you wrote! I think you nailed the tone that many of the songs you referenced also conveyed. It was also incredibly interesting to watch you grapple with a number of issues such as virginity, a woman’s place in religion, etc throughout the works you created. My favorite lines from your poems have to be “I’m your Eve, your temptress, Mother of the femme fatale, Fall from Eden, I took your forbidden bite, So cast me out of your bed, your paradise”. I think you nailed this hyper-specific pain a lot of women feel engaging in sexual behavior after growing up around a lot of forms of Christianity. Can’t say enough how much I enjoyed your project!
Ooh, Demi, I love the poetry and the playlist! So creative!
This is SUCH an impactful project. I think that you perfectly captured that complicated and often intertwined relationship between religion and sex that so many women struggle with. I found it really powerful how you portray the way that women are wanted and sexually desired but only to a certain point, and then they are discarded or painted as “too promiscuous.” I really appreciate how you put words to the feelings that so many women experience.
I had never thought much about the inclusion of religion or religious mentions in music that isn’t innately religious. The use of poetry was very creative. I believe that poetry is able to communicate emotions that are otherwise difficult to express, much like music, which is just poetry to a specific tune. Your second poem, Oh God, specifically made me think of the flip side of imagery in music. While you primarily mentioned non-religious music using mention of religion or religious figures, I kept thinking of religious music that involves erotic tones. There have been several Christian songs that I’ve heard over the years that I initially didn’t connect to Christianity and rather thought that the songs were about some amazing romantic and/or sexual interaction the artist had.
I absolutely loved reading your poetry!! I thought it was so compelling and beautifully worded. The “I Met God at a Bar” poem was super interesting, especially in regards to how to follows similar themes to the songs that you mention in your project. This was such a creative way to demonstrate christianity in relation to hook up culture.
First of all I love the song lyric you mentioned “second coming in a bathroom stall, but now God won’t return my calls.” But in terms of your project in specific, I really like how you brought such a creative aspect into your project by sharing your own poetry. I literally got chills at all of them. I loved the Oh God one and your line “Down on both knees in a silent prayer” hit so hard. I can’t express how beautiful these are, I’m so impressed. Thank you so much for sharing these!!
I absolutely loved this project! It was so creative and I thought the poetry was so good! I really resonated with your nightly prayer poem, as my mom used to come in and say that to me every night. I used to love it, and it is interesting to look back on today. Overall great project!
Demi, this was an awesome project! I loved that you gave some background about your religion and family during the presentation. I thought your point about the genre of songs that talks about God as someone who they are going to hook up with was very interesting. It was fascinating to find out that a lot of the artists of these songs happen to be queer. I really enjoyed reading your poems, they are super creative! Great job overall!
Demi, your poems were absolutely stunning! The second poem, “Oh God-,” really stuck out to me as it seemed to reflect mystic sentiments. You very clearly conveyed the excess of emotion and feeling that come from both religious and sexual experiences, and how religion and sex can both bring elation and shame. I also really liked the reflections on hookup culture in your “Nightly Prayer” — the poem very clearly hit on the nuances of hookup culture and how it can both feel affirming and oppressive simultaneously. The allusions to the Bible were a lovely touch as well and your mastery of language is gorgeous!
Demi! This was absolutely beautiful, I can tell how much thought and passion went into this poetry. I love how you personified God, specifically the part when you asked God if they would feel the same things about sex while lying next to you. This reminded me of mystical poetry where people would sing praise of the Lord and also romanticize their relationship with a higher power. Specifically, this reminded me of Mirabai’s (Hindu mystic) poetry about her love for Krishna where she clearly displayed a sexual/ romantic attraction for the physical manifestation of Krishna. Beautiful Work!
I love how much thought you put into your project and that you were not able to reach a definitive opinion on how you felt about these songs about God being translated to a sexual partner. I especially loved the last poem as it was very powerful in showing the never-ending mental fight split between the feminist view on liberation and internalised religious view on sex and hook-up culture. Essentially, the battle is not just to challenge the Christian Church but also within ourselves. Breath-taking project<3