For many, the Christian Evangelical church is a place of love, hope, and healing but for others, it is a place of hurt, judgment, and feelings of inferiority. Growing up in any religious household can be a trying, and often traumatizing experience. For anyone, the pressure to conform to and follow religious rules and codes at an often extreme standard can prove enough to turn one away from religion. Historically, the Church has had a negative impact on queer youth identity at large and through conversations, I have learned the severity of this issue. I understand that this is not the experience of every queer person growing up in the church but it represents a harmful trend.
In order to better understand the hateful attitude that the Christian Church has created toward the queer community, I interviewed a peer of mine who was raised in a Conservative Evangelical house and educated in an Christian school. Their heartbreaking experience of being Gay in these circumstances can be used to better understand the effect the Christian Church has on the shaping of identity within LGBTQ youth.
Most people are aware of the Conservative views and actions towards homosexuality as it is regularly broadcast on news and social media platforms. Some examples of these stories are, rioting outside of drag shows, the ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill and gun violence towards LGBT people nationwide. Many of these attacks on justice and safety are credited to Conservative Christians, but this hatred stems much further than politics and news, it is impacting the lives of real people and their views of themselves. The ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill provides a powerful example of the institutionalized hatred that is seen throughout the country. This bill, which makes classroom discussion about gender identity and sexual orientation illegal, holds deadly consequences for Florida youth and the greater nation. This bill amplifies the motif that queer identity and voices need to be silenced and should not be spoken about. It creates a harmful taboo that finds its way into the smallest of circles. Throughout the interview, these negative opinions were shown even in their small, Christian school, but legislature like this provides a platform and legal justification for harmful actions and opinions that jeopardize the mental health of queer youth.
Throughout the interview we discussed their upbringing within a Christian household and school and the effect that this had on how they viewed themselves and what created these views. The most recurring issue was the silence within church circles towards this issue. When asked to discuss how they were first introduced to LGBTQ ideas and concepts they responded by saying
“I was never really exposed to any LGBT rhetoric or anything whatsoever so hearing that for the first time in public school was already a jarring feeling inside, It felt uncomfortable, I didn’t want to be there”.
Anonymous Informant
This discomfort has been created by the silence around this issue. It creates negative feelings for children as conversations are not normalized and the topic becomes taboo. Soon after this, they transferred to a private Christian school and these feelings amplified. This silence remained intense but when LGBT issues were discussed they were always in a negative regard. All conversations regarding homosexuality were silenced without explanation, and nothing was ever spoken about in a Church setting.
As they were contemplating their sexuality, and attempting to understand the complicated emotions and feelings. They were faced with hardship and discrimination. By the age of 12 they had come to terms with their sexuality but did not come out until four years later. In that time they witnessed hate and hostility towards the LGBTQ community and realized that they were not welcome in their school or social circle. They describe as they were leaving class one day, they overheard a conversation between a peer and a student, they were
“complaining about new, New York legislature which made it illegal for private religious establishments to deny schooling to queer individuals”.
Anonymous Informant
This, sadly wasn’t the first time they felt outcast and rejected for their queer identity. The rules and regulations of their school did not allow them to be there and they would be quickly and quietly asked to leave if their sexuality was revealed. This created a narrative of self hate and loathing as they were striving to be someone different, wishing anything but to feel this way. They recalled snapping a rubber band on their wrist to try to control their thoughts and ended up bleeding and blistering. These rules and attitudes preached to children at young age are proving harmful to their mental health and create a negative view of themselves. The lack of representation and the silence of LGBTQ people in the lives of Christian youth makes their experience feel foreign and unwanted.
Some of these rules have since changed but the hatred in this private Christian school continues in the form of trans-limiting dress codes and regulations. If a transgender person were to attend the school, their dress code would be coherent to the gender they were assigned at birth instead of the gender they identify as. These rules are justified by the belief that God designed you to be the gender you were assigned at birth and trying to change this is an afront to God and his holy design. This attitude and these rules have had direct effects on the identity of the students. For my interviewee, they felt outcast and felt the need to keep their identity a secret for a long time. They tell a story of the only other openly LGBTQ person they can recall within their Christian circles. They describe a student that attended the school for short period of time that transitioned while they were attending. The staff and students repeatedly dead-named the student and refused to respect their desired name and pronouns to the point that they transferred schools. This sad reality is pushing LGBTQ people away from the Christian faith and making LGBTQ Christian youth question their identity and worth. This also creates an understanding within the children and students that disrespecting people in this manner is acceptable. This raises the next generation of ignorant people who are unwilling to respect, and love people despite their sexual orientation. When queer youth feel outcast and unsafe around their peers, they are likely to hide their identity, and are statically more likely to self-harm or attempt suicide.
Coming out is a scary, and risky experience for most LGBTQ people but can be specifically dangerous within a Christian environment as you can be outcast from your community. When asked if growing up in a Christian environment affected the timing of when they came out they replied stating
“My religious background was the entire reason I didn’t come out much earlier”.
Anonymous Informant
This hesitation occurred because they were unaware of how to live with this realization that they were queer as they had never experienced an openly LGBTQ person that was not quickly outcast. They struggled to understand how they could exist and function in the world because they felt this way. They did not see themselves belonging in any of the Christian circles and found it hard to connect with people.
The majority of their social interactions were within a Christian setting and they described the main attitude of the church as
“I am the person the Christians look to when they need to prove they are not as bad as everyone else”.
Anonymous Informant
They overheard statements such as ‘at least I’m not Gay’ and statements saying LGBTQ people are attempting to overthrow and jeapordize the nuclear family in America. These are the statements that Christian youth encounter every day. They are harmful, and destructive and make queer youth feel as though they are the greatest of all evil and sin as they wrestle with their identity. In my own experience, I have heard conversations between trusted adults who are supposed to be preaching the love and hope of Christianity, state that LGBTQ people are damned to hell and trying to brainwash our children. These opinions often come from older, conservative Christians in which more open and accepting Christians often choose to allow their ignorance rather than correct them.
The older generation of church-goers often provide problems for more progressive thinkers as they are often stuck in the harmful past that preaches discrimination and ignorace. These people often serve on elder boards, and as pastors and hold great influence within the church. Despite the fact that many members of the church disagree with their opinions and often the way they treat women or LGBTQ people, they are still allowed to make decisions that affect the church and the congregation. There is a harmful belief that despite not agreeing with their opinions and actions, that these old folks should not be corrected because it is seen as disrespectful to disagree with them. By allowing this ignorance, decisions are being made that negatively affect LGBTQ people that may not reflect the beliefs of the congregation. This is shown through a confrontation between an elder at the church and my anonymous interviewee. He arrived at church with his nails painted and was aggressively questioned by an elder of the. He demanded that they look around for any other man in the congregation who had their nails painted. He then questioned his reasoning for doing this in an aggressive, condescending manner. My interviewee described
“It’s hard to formulate a response in that type of situation when you are bluntly approached by someone who I thought I could trust and it is followed by accusations and malintention based interrogations and just blatant ignorance”.
Anonymous Informant
This is not blameless curiosity, this is an example of the accusatory and harmful attitudes of the unchecked Christian elders. By allowing this ignorance, you are teaching youth that under specific circumstances, hatred is allowed, and for the Queer youth, that their identity and well-being is not worth fighting for.
The Christian Evangelical faith preaches love, hope, and acceptance, but as we have seen, they have fallen short on many occasions. No matter what your opinions are, the bible calls each Christian to love one another. Jesus witnesses to, befriends, and serves alongside societies lowest, and most sinful people of the time. Jesus sets this example for all Christians to follow. Regardless of your feelings toward homosexuality, an attitude of love should be shown instead of hatred. The best way to do that is to respect LGBTQ people and their voices, welcome them into your spaces and make them feel comfortable in the congregation. If you are curious and wish to learn more, just talk to LGBTQ people, in a non-confrontational or accusatory way. Attend a drag lunch, get yourself out in the community so, through education and empathy we are able to create a loving and inviting atmosphere. Be sensitive to everyone, do not assume that they have had the same spiritual journey that you have had or that they have had the same experiences that you have. Don’t be afraid to call out the ignorance of others, even if they are your elder. Ignorance helps no one and is not excusable because of age especially if it is negatively affecting someones image of themselves.
Although I have examined the experiences of very few people, I hope I have shown you just how severe and hurtful the actions of the church can be and how you can help. If you are still curious and want to learn more about these issues and what you can do to help, I have linked many helpful resources.
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/explore/
The Trevor Project seeks to provide mental health care to LGBTQ+ people and provides many resources to better understand how you can be an ally and advocate for LGBTQ+ people.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
This glossary of terms from the human rights campaign simply describes any terms that you may be confused on so you can better understand and respect the sexuality and orientation of others. Upon exploring their website further you can find a section for allies to show support and remain educated.
https://www.thechristiancloset.com/blog/2021/9/7/4-ways-church-trauma-has-affected-lgbtq-individuals
This article goes in depth in church trauma within LGBTQ+ individuals and is a great read to further your knowledge on the topic with a christian lens.
https://www.uua.org/lgbtq/welcoming/ways/10-ways
This website gives many practical and easy ways to make your church a more welcoming and inclusive environment.
Raina, this is a super informative and interesting project. It was really interesting to be able to view so many different opinions and stories on how the church effected those in their youth who identified as queer. Your introduction about the Evangelical church rang true with a lot of the findings in my project as well. Since I focused on purity culture and the Evangelical church’s creation/influence on a lot of those sentiments ring true to my research as well. I appreciate you taking on this project as someone who grew up queer and pretty entrenched in the church. Coming to terms with both of those things was incredibly difficult for me at the time. Nice work! I’m really glad you did a project which uplifts these experiences.
I found this project to be deeply emotional and impactful – it was so meaningful to hear this story about someone queer who had grown up in an incredibly conservative and quaint hometown. My project was also interview focused, but all of my interviewees were heterosexual and while they had also come from conservative hometowns, it was not nearly to this extreme. For that reason, it was really interesting to learn about this experience and it definitely broadened my perspective. I really like how you mentioned in class that a lot of people who have grown up in these types of environments are simply unaware of how their limited and unchanging mentality regarding sex and sexuality inadvertently harm so many individuals who stray from the norm. Therefore, I thought it was a really great that you also decided to include those resources at the end of your project!!
I think that you did a beautiful job dealing with such an intensely emotional subject. I especially really appreciate that you focused on this project as a teaching tool. It can often seem impossible to have discussions about sexuality and religion together, but the way you compiled this project was so well done, and I can definitely see it having an impact on someone. You are so aware of the lack of knowledge that many Evangelicals have, and I really like how you provided additional resources at the bottom to provide them with the necessary knowledge to make the church a more accepting place.
Raina, this project is awesome! I really like your idea of interviewing someone about their experience in the evangelical church. It sounds like for this person it was very hard to grow up in the church and I bet that reading this could really benefit your audience. I think the way you phrased things would make this project a good introduction for people who are against gay rights due to their religion. Big shoutout to your friend for being brave and sharing their story too! Growing up not knowing anyone who is gay or that being gay is possible while being gay yourself can be extremely difficult. I wish the best to your friend going forward. Great work!
I think the way you organized this project and the language you used was so significant. You seemed to put every point you were trying to make in a tone that didn’t come off as an attack, but instead a way that makes it more likely for Christians to listen and realize the harm the church can have on LGBTQ youth. I also really liked that you mentioned the “Don’t Say Gay” bill that might show how strong of an effect the church has and how it goes beyond a surface level shaming. Pointing out how the treatment and attitudes towards LGBTQ youth pushes them away from the Christian faith and makes them question their identity and worth helps show how even if they would normally want to continue being a member of the religion, the church’s attitudes exclude them and make them unable to. I also think doing an interview and incorporating quotes from it throughout the paper, in between explanations and research you did, brings a more personal aspect to the project that may make the audience more sympathetic. I really appreciate your project and think it’s so important that more people see it, thank you for sharing!
This project made me think of a video I saw about a year ago. In this video, a girl explains her view on Christianity, and she says “God commands his people to love thy neighbor. He did not say ‘only the neighbor who is like you’. He commands you to love.” (Paraphrased, I could not find the exact video to quote) Additionally, I have seen the statement “no hate like Christian love” on many different social media platforms, and I think your project has really demonstrated that. I have known many individuals personally who left the Christian church because they did not feel welcome and have witnessed the blatant homophobia by church elders that was left uncontested; one story being when the girls in my youth group were told not to hug each other or lean on each other so that we could be better influences on the girls in our group who’s “sexuality is not in the right place at the moment”. I had still been rather new to this specific church when I witnessed this, but I have been uncomfortable around the older individuals of that church ever since.
This project felt hopeful for the LGBT community within Catholicism despite the sad history and reality. The visuals were beautiful and spoke loud for the matters. You were able to extensively provide a bigger picture as the project flowed very well and informed well on a variety of points. I also appreciate that you included a response on how the community is trying to be more inclusive through educating teachers on pronouns. I was in a very open-minded boarding school and we still struggled with educating some teachers on the importance of pronouns but I do think it is definitely a necessary first step. Thank you for your project!
I misplaced my comment for another post, I apologize. I wanted to come back to this and say great work. I think it was incredibly impactful the way you show the reality of being gay within a a Christian religious community and being viewed as less. Your project was able to emphasise these issues greatly as they provided personal and other lived experiences of this reality. I especially appreciate how open you are to conversation about this topic, which gives me hope that we might be going into a healthier future for the LGBT community. Hopefully more people take on your suggestions on how to grow a more positive environment.
This was an incredibly well-done project, and you did a great job capturing the scope of this issue by using anecdotal examples. This conflict of one’s identity being rejected by their surrounding religion is one that has plagued our rather Christian nation since its inception and is one that will not change unless initiatives are taken. I also specifically liked how you explicitly called out how, despite progress, the older generations make any significant change difficult. This project also reminds me so much of my friend back home who went through a similar course of events, and both just broke my heart. Although reasonably anonymous, stories like thees need to be told or else they will continue to be swept under the rug an ignored.
Raina, I loved how you tried to take an educational approach. Far too many times, I’ve seen people get defensive while in an argument without really listening to each other, so this approach is definitely a great approach at hopefully getting through to some people who maybe aren’t as educated in LGBTQ issues. I also liked that you added your friend’s personal experiences. I think that it is important to show real life accounts of the harm that shame and guilt from a religion that is supposed to be based on love can inflict on a person. I believe that this is a prime example of how people do not choose to be a part of the LGBTQ community, because why would anyone want to live this struggle between their faith and their sexuality? I also liked the resources you added at the end. These can be sources of information for Christians who are trying to widen their perspectives, but they are also super important for Christian LGBTQ youth who may not get this information at home or at school. Great work!
Raina, I found your project to be so interesting. Your interview provided a raw perspective into being gay within the Christian church and the severe consequences of having to hide who you are because of religion. I think your project could be used to open the eyes of older, conservative Christians who do not understand or choose to ignore the weight that their words have on others. I also really appreciated how you included the resources in your project for anyone who reads your project.
This was extremely well done, thank you so much for bringing these views to light because in our own progressive bubble, I feel as if we aren’t exposed (or at least I am not) to these opinions. It was so sad to hear the quote “My religious background is why I didn’t come out much earlier.” It made me reflect on how many people are battling with their sexuality in today’s age because of their deep religious roots. This is why exposure to positive LGBT advocacy and education at a young age is so important for fostering healthy mindsets in students. I wish there was an easy fix for this and that the opposition wasn’t so staunch in their belief systems, but I am hopeful that progress can be made for newer generations with a systemic approach.
Raina, your project was very well done! I thought it was a nice touch how you addressed the blog post to Evangelicals who are either still homophobic or having a hard time accepting LGBT people in their lives, and your gentle but educational tone was very effective in conveying your message to your audience. The testimony from your anonymous informant was powerful, as it helped bring a personal and emotional touch to the topic. I also really liked the resources you linked at the bottom, especially the link to the Unitarian Universalist resource, as Unitarian Universalist principles are a great way of applying Christianity’s progressive and loving parts to social issues.